A Letter Home
Day 40.
I have been in quarantine for 40 days.
I miss my job. I miss my students. I miss my coworkers. I miss my friends. I miss shopping.
Most of all, I miss diving.
It’s not just the activity that is diving. I miss post dive meals and drinks with dive buddies. I miss the smell of neoprene. I miss the giddy excitement of gearing up. I miss doing my gear up routine. I miss running gas management calculations. I know that as I put on the heavy equipment that it is only a short walk until I can feel the weight disappear.
I, even though I usually complain, miss the cold kiss of the water as it travels up my spine. It welcomes me. It washes away the stress of a land based existence.
Though, it’s not about the equipment. It’s not about doing the coolest dive. It’s about reaching a state of deep and infinite unity with the expansive greatness that is the sea.
The joy of diving is much more to me than a hobby. It brings me the joy of simplicity. It brings me the hope of renewal. It reminds me change isn’t devastating, it is one of the few constants in life.
This isn’t my first break from diving. Unfortunately, between professional obligations and health problems, I was forced to stay on land for awhile. Eventually, I finished school, got a better job and got my health back in order. Not to say that I don’t have lasting effects but if my stress level stays down, I’ll be okay.
I believe everything happens in its time and for its reason. I walked away from one of the most difficult periods of my life and jumped back into my dive club and the ocean. I missed my bubbly buddies and I missed the peace and tranquility of the ocean.
The biggest lesson I learned was that I need my time with the ocean. I need the tranquility. My heart needs the song of the sea. My soul need to drink in the salt water.
It’s now non-negotiable.
In the time of Covid-19 and social distancing, stress is at an all time high. We don’t know what will happen. More now than ever, tomorrow is something we need to pray for. The concept of tomorrow is even more delicate. The one place I feel at peace isn’t available to me.
Of course, I’m scared. I’m frustrated. I want this whole pandemic to be over. I also want to be safe. I want to be healthy. I want to see tomorrow.
I crave the peace and tranquility of the sea. Yet I want the seas to continue to heal. There are dolphins in Venice, Italy! The Venice canals are famously very polluted. The pollution is clearing because there are no boats in the canals. Not to say that people suffering and dying is the answer. I truly and genuinely believe this horrible pandemic may help people to take life at a slower pace and enjoy the simpler things. The beauty of togetherness. The majesty of forests. The grace of the ocean. Hopefully, we can learn to coexist with nature without being horribly destructive.
There is nothing better than the idea of living with nature in harmony.
The moment I crave the most is the first breath underwater. I love the sound of the regulator. The first exhalation. The sound and sensation of the bubbles leaving your regulator, through the water and racing to the surface. The moment is so pure and palpable. All the training. All the money spent. All the planning and checking are worth it. You’re underwater and breathing. It is in this moment my mind becomes very clear. I am 100% present in the moment. I then begin to take in the sights. I float, neutrally buoyant, through the water like I belong there. It feels like a dream.
The best moments are often comprised of the simplest things. I also love the magic of looking another living thing in the eye and knowing it’s looking back at you. The magic of connecting with another soul that is entirely different from you and yet, eerily similar.
It is humbling to see all of the ocean critters living their ocean critter lives. They are oblivious to the problems of the world. Their biggest concerns are where their next meal will come from and staying alive. Maybe we aren’t that different.
Some might say sea creatures never know the “joy” of buying a home or a new car. They never know the joys of love and family. I disagree. Sea creatures never know the stress of debt. They never know the heartache of “what if”. They cohabitate in communities, each playing their part. Some of them, for example whales, have complex family structures.
To love the ocean is to have a love affair with simplicity.
Yes, the ocean is a vast and complicated network of microscopic details but its beauty is simple.
Going back to the simplicity and serenity of the ocean will be like coming home after a long hard day. Slipping into the solace in my favorite pajamas. Feeling my heart drink in the joy and healing of the solace. The song reminding me that home isn’t just a place. It is much bigger than that. It’s the comfort and safety that only peaceful unity can bring.
I can’t wait to go home.
